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Leacock, Stephen, 1869-1944

"Moonbeams from the Larger Lunacy"

"
"You are right, General," I said, "you will forgive my
not laughing out loud, but you are a great humorist."
"Am I not? And listen further still, how I deal with the
theme of the German character,--'Moral obligations such
as no nation had ever yet made the standard of conduct,
are laid down by the German philosophers.'"
"Good," I said, "gloriously funny; read me some more."
"This, then, you will like,--here I deal with the
permissible rules of war. It is on page 236 that I am
reading it. I wrote this chiefly to make laugh our naval
men and our Zeppelin crews,--'A surprise attack, in order
to be justified, must be made only on the armed forces
of the state and not on its peaceful inhabitants.
Otherwise the attack becomes a treacherous crime.' Eh,
what?"
Here the General broke into roars of laughter.
"Wonderful," I said. "Your book ought to sell well in
Scarborough and in Yarmouth. Read some more."
"I should like to read you what I say about neutrality,
and how England is certain to violate our strategical
right by an attack on Belgium and about the sharp measures
that ought to be taken against neutral ships laden with
contraband,--the passages are in Chapters VII and VIII,
but for the moment I fail to lay the thumb on them.


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