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Leacock, Stephen, 1869-1944

"Moonbeams from the Larger Lunacy"

'Very good,' I
said, 'take so and so.'
"Well, off the fellow went--I thought nothing of it--simply
wrote such and such in my note-book, such and such a
date, symptoms such and such--prescribed such and such,
and so forth, you understand?"
"Oh, yes, perfectly, doctor," I answered.
"Very good. Three days later--a ring at the bell in the
evening--my servant came to the surgery. 'Mr. So and So
is here. Very anxious to see you.' 'All right!' I went
down. There he was, with every symptom of so and so
written all over him--every symptom of it--this and this
and this--"
"Awful symptoms, doctor," I said, shaking my head.
"Are they not?" he said, quite unaware that he hadn't
named any. "There he was with every symptom, heart so
and so, eyes so and so, pulse this--I looked at him right
in the eye and I said--'Do you want me to tell you the
truth?' 'Yes,' he said. 'Very good,' I answered, 'I will.
You've got so and so.' He fell back as if shot. 'So and
so!' he repeated, dazed. I went to the sideboard and
poured him out a drink of such and such.


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