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Laxer, Mark Eliot

"Take Me for a Ride: coming of age in a destructive cult"


I did not know whether to laugh or to cry. I was doing a little
of both when, a minute or so later, Atmananda asked Sal to wait outside.
"You've got to admit, kid," Atmananda said to me. "We have a good
time here."
I glanced in the direction of my backpack.
Atmananda made a fist and shut his eyes.
"Watch out!" cried my rational side. But he seemed sincere
and vulnerable, and I found myself gazing at him.
"Contemplate mountains--not him!" I thought. But in him I saw
a man who could see; who read people's inner thoughts and feelings;
who predicted the future; who glowed after I stared at him intensely
for several minutes; who spent hundreds of hours teaching me about
worlds of enchantment, excitement, and nobility; and who banked on
a career of making millions happy.
"Sure he's got a lot to offer," I thought, "but he's got that other side--
I need to get away!" But in him I saw the community I had helped build,
a community which included all my current friends.
"Help build another community! Find new friends!" But in him I
saw my aspiration to be a seeker of Truth--as well as my desire
to wield power over others.
"He's playing a power game--run!"
Atmananda opened his eyes. He seemed displeased and hurt.


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