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Laxer, Mark Eliot

"Take Me for a Ride: coming of age in a destructive cult"

"I incarnated
into this world of pain and suffering," Atmananda often claimed,
"to help my students from past lives. Many of you don't seem
to realize it, but I am in a constant state of pain as a result
of the bad energy that you continuously bombard me with.
I am also constantly ill as a result of the massive amounts of bad
karma that I absorb from you on a regular basis."
I began to think not about McMurphy and Atmananda's similarities,
but about their differences. I recalled Atmananda saying, "When you
attain my level of enlightenment, you transcend good and evil.
'Good' and 'evil' become mere words, mere concepts in a universe
where only experience matters. So why be attached to the good side of
the force?"
I wanted to believe that Atmananda meant: "Why worry about being
good if you become goodness itself?" But other memories surfaced,
and I became overwhelmed by a nauseating sense that he had something
else in mind. "Do you know who I really am?" he had increasingly
croaked in a low, throaty rasp, his bright eyes mocking me.
"The anti-Christ. I work for the other side. Six-six-six. Think
about it."
"He was only joking," I reassured myself. "Or maybe he was testing me.
That's it--he was only testing me.


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