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Laxer, Mark Eliot

"Take Me for a Ride: coming of age in a destructive cult"

Atmananda, for instance, lectured on Jesus Christ,
Gandhi, and McMurphy. "McMurphy," he said at Centre meetings,
"leads twelve men to the sea and takes them fishing.
After the fishing trip, McMurphy is worn out. He is in pain.
He has exhausted his energy so that others might be free.
This is the essence of self-giving. This is why I do what I do."
I reflected on the sacrifices that Atmananda had been making lately.
His efforts at running a spiritual Centre appeared to leave him
exhausted and in pain. Dealing with the physical and non-physical
demands of a congregation was no doubt an enormous imposition.
And what a spiritual leader he was! I pictured him striding about
with his chin jutting forward, exuding that aura of confidence;
sharing insights into metaphysical philosophies of the ancients,
as well as American pop culture of the early '80s; joking and singing,
inspiring and enlivening us; writing and publishing WOOF!, as well
as a book called The Bridge is Flowing But the River Is Not;
challenging our intellects with the known and unknowable;
recording and selling tapes on a variety of spiritual topics;
framing and reframing the ways in which we viewed the world;
issuing a recommended book list which included The Way Of Life
According To Lao Tzu, The Bhagavad-Gita, How To Know God, I Ching,
The Gospel Of Sri Ramakrishna, Tales Of Power, Tibetan Book Of The Dead,
and Walden; distributing geometric patterns on which to meditate;
and generating mystical experiences--with Light from the Infinite,
of course!
But then I thought about how, unlike McMurphy, Atmananda increasingly
blamed others for the role he chose to play.


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