..In closing, I stand for freedom, a cheese
in every hand, the dignity to live a free and happy life under my
close supervision...'"
As the month wore on, Atmananda often stopped by my room to perform
what he called "reality checks." This involved chatting and
meditating with me until my consciousness was "in a good place."
He was probably concerned that, as a member of his inner circle,
I might unduly influence his disciples. But I was too tired,
too fearful of the Negative Forces, and too busy coordinating WOOF!
and poster distribution teams to seriously reflect on or pose a threat
to his self-anointed position of power.
Occasionally, though, I did think about the change. But instead
of confronting guilt from having abandoned Chinmoy, and instead
of confronting doubts about Atmananda, I found it easier to laugh
and laugh at spiritual groups and the absurd things that they did.
12. Thwarted Escape
Months after the coup, Atmananda held late-night meetings less often,
and I soon caught up on sleep. Refreshed from the rest, I tried
to understand the changes that had been taking place within the Centre
and within Atmananda. My thoughts were frequently interrupted
by squawks from Atmananda's fourteen blue-and-gold macaws.
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