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Laxer, Mark Eliot

"Take Me for a Ride: coming of age in a destructive cult"


The guide pointed to an elephant and said, "This is Peanuts.
Peanuts has been with us for seven years."
"This guy is making it up as he goes," whispered Atmananda,
who seemed to resent having someone else control the conversation.
The guide pointed to a giraffe. "This is--"
"Fwazznoid," interrupted Atmananda loudly.
"--and Puzzles has been with us for three years," continued the guide,
trying to ignore the man monkeying around with the four laughing hyenas.
One time during our first few weeks in California, Atmananda saw me
standing on a wall in the yard. He later told me that he had seen
me fly.
"Really?" I said.
"Yes," he replied. "I saw your Astral Body hovering over the canyon."
"Wow!"
Suddenly, his kind encouragement transmogrified into a cold,
penetrating glare. I felt he was looking right through me.
"I can see that you still doubt me," he said, turning away.
I was upset with myself. As usual, he was right. Yet I sensed
there was something more, something in the way he looked at me...
But he was smiling now. "Don't let it bother you, kid. You're doing fine."
"Whew," I thought, happy to forget about it.
Perhaps Atmananda had been happy to forget about it too because he
began giving me other things to think about.


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