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Foss, James Henry

"The Gentleman from Everywhere"


Directly in front of us was a sleepy, bald-headed man upon whose
shining, nodding, snoring pate several flies were resting in quiet
enjoyment of the sermon. All at once, this toothsome collection
attracted the attention of a very large bright-eyed chameleon admirer
who launched himself through the air upon said bald head in pursuit of
his dinner. With a yell of fear, the sleeper struck the animal with
his huge hand, sending the long tailed frolicsome creature heels
over head directly upon the clergyman's manuscript, and the alarmed
preacher, in turn, with a smothered imprecation and a sweeping blow,
hurled the sprawling legs and elongated tail down upon some frightened
children who screamed and tumbled over each other upon the floor in a
struggling heap.
This was too much for the pent-up risibilities of the audience who
laughed long and loud, greatly to the disturbance of the solemnity of
the occasion. The witty minister remarked that this addition to his
flock, like some church members, seemed to care more for the carnal
than the spiritual, and proceeded to the thirteenthly division of his
discourse.
From here we traveled for hundreds of miles over the flat, monotonous,
arid sands of south Florida, where green grass and fresh garden
vegetables were unknown, frequently remarking that if we owned these
localities and hades, we would give away the former and live in the
latter place.


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