" Wait
until you happen to meet him on the street. If he sees you first,
you lose.
First-class Matter.
Anything you are ashamed to have the postmaster or postmistress
read, and therefore seal up, is known as first-class matter. Also,
postal cards, where you're only allowed to argue on one side. If
you think your letter should travel slowly, invest ten cents in a
Special Delivery Stamp. This will insure a nice, leisurely
journey, lasting from one to two days longer than by the cheap two-
cent route.
Second-class Matter.
This class was originated for the benefit of Patent Medicine
Mixers, who print circulars on "What Ails You" four times a year,
and pepper the land with "Before-and-after-taking" caricatures, at
the rate of one cent a pound.
Third-class Matter.
While the quack nostrums travel second-class for one cent a pound,
books, engravings, manuscript copy, and works of art have to go
third-class and are taxed one cent for every two ounces. They must
also be left open for inspection, thus affording the post-office
employee a fleeting acquaintance with something really useful.
Fourth-class Matter.
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