' Better far to be the honest and devout
soldier, who, when Jesus offered to come to his house, answered,
'Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest enter under my roof. But
speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.'
Only he must say that in honesty, in spirit, and in truth, like St.
Peter. For a man may shrink from religion, from the thought of God,
from coming to the Holy Communion, for two most opposite reasons.
He may shrink from them because he knows he is full of sins, and
wishes to keep his sins; and knows that, if he worships God, if he
comes to the Holy Communion--indeed, if he remembers the presence of
God at all,--he pledges himself to give up his bad habits; to repent
and amend, which is just what he has no mind to do. So he turns away
from God, because he chooses to remain bad. May the Lord have mercy
on his soul, for he has no mercy on it himself! He chooses evil, and
refuses good; and evil will be his ruin.
But, again, a man may shrink from God, from church, from the Holy
Communion, because he feels himself bad, and longs to be good;
because he feels himself full of evil habits, and hates them, and
sees how ugly they are, and is afraid to appear in the presence of
God foul with sin.
Let him be of good cheer. He is not going wrong wilfully.
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