Thou art too condescending; thou
honourest me too much; thou hast taken me for a better man than I am;
thou knowest not what a poor miserable creature I am at heart--
"Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord."'
There spoke out the truly noble soul, who was ready the next moment,
as soon as he had recovered himself, to leave all and follow Christ;
who was ready afterwards to wander, to suffer, to die upon the cross
for his Lord; and who, when he was led out to execution, asked to be
crucified (as it is said St. Peter actually did) with his head
downwards; for it was too much honour for him to die looking up to
heaven, as his Lord had died.
Do you not understand me yet? Then think what you would have thought
of St. Peter, if, instead of saying, 'Depart from me; for I am a
sinful man, O Lord,' St. Peter had said, 'Stay with me, for I am a
holy man, O Lord. I am just the sort of person who deserves the
honour of thy company; and my boat, poor though it is, more fit for
thee than the palace of a king.' Would St. Peter have seemed to you
then wiser or more foolish, better or worse, than he does now, when
in his confused honest humility, he begs the Lord to go away and
leave him? And do you not feel that a man is (as a great poet says)
'displeasing alike to God and to the enemies of God,' when he comes
boldly to the throne of grace, not to find grace and mercy, because
he feels that he needs them: but to boast of God's grace, and make
God's mercy to him an excuse for looking down upon his fellow-
creatures; and worships, like the Pharisee, in self-conceit and
pride, thanking God that he is not as other men are?
Better far to be the publican, who stood afar off, and dare not lift
up as much as his eyes toward heaven, but cried only, 'God be
merciful to me a sinner.
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