The truly great and free and noble soul--and St. Peter's soul was
such--is that of the man who feels awe and reverence in the presence
of those who are wiser and holier than himself; who is abashed and
humbled when he compares himself with his betters, just because his
standard is so high. Because he knows how much better he should be
than he is; because he is discontented with himself, ashamed of
himself, therefore he shrinks, at first, from the very company which,
after a while, he learns to like best, because it teaches him most.
And so it was with St. Peter's noble soul. He felt himself, in the
presence of that pure Christ, a sinful man:- not perhaps what we
should call sinful; but sinful in comparison of Christ. He felt his
own meanness, ignorance, selfishness, weakness. He felt unworthy to
be in such good company. He felt unworthy,--he, the ignorant
fisherman,--to have such a guest in his poor boat. 'Go elsewhere,
Lord,' he tried to say, 'to a place and to companions more fit for
thee. I am ashamed to stand in thy presence. I am dazzled by the
brightness of thy countenance, crushed down by the thought of thy
wisdom and power, uneasy lest I say or do something unfit for thee;
lest I anger thee unawares in my ignorance, clumsiness; lest I betray
to thee my own bad habits: and those bad habits I feel in thy
presence as I never felt before.
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