In that ability you know
I once prided myself as the only or chief gem of my character; that gem I
lost--how and where you know too well. I have not yet regained it; and
until I do, I cannot trust myself in any matter of much importance. I
believe now that had you understood my case at the time as well as I
understand yours afterward, by the aid you would have given me I should
have sailed through clear, but that does not now afford me sufficient
confidence to begin that or the like of that again.
You make a kind acknowledgment of your obligations to me for your present
happiness. I am pleased with that acknowledgment. But a thousand times
more am I pleased to know that you enjoy a degree of happiness worthy of
an acknowledgment. The truth is, I am not sure that there was any merit
with me in the part I took in your difficulty; I was drawn to it by a
fate. If I would I could not have done less than I did. I always was
superstitious; I believe God made me one of the instruments of bringing
your Fanny and you together, which union I have no doubt He had
fore-ordained.
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