I never sought him in coquettish sport,
Or courted him as silly maidens court,
And wonder when the longed-for prize falls short.
I only loved him,--any woman would:
But shut my love up till he came and sued,
Then poured it o'er his dry life like a flood.
I was so happy I could make him blest!--
So happy that I was his first and best,
As he mine,--when he took me to his breast.
Ah me! if only then he had been true!
If for one little year, a month or two,
He had given me love for love, as was my due!
Or had he told me, ere the deed was done,
He only raised me to his heart's dear throne--
Poor substitute--because the queen was gone!
O, had he whispered, when his sweetest kiss
Was warm upon my mouth in fancied bliss,
He had kissed another woman even as this,--
It were less bitter! Sometimes I could weep
To be thus cheated, like a child asleep;--
Were not my anguish far too dry and deep.
So I built my house upon another's ground;
Mocked with a heart just caught at the rebound,--
A cankered thing that looked so firm and sound.
And when that heart grew colder,--colder still,
I, ignorant, tried all duties to fulfil,
Blaming my foolish pain, exacting will,
All,--anything but him. It was to be
The full draught others drink up carelessly
Was made this bitter Tantalus-cup for me.
I say again,--he gives me all I claimed,
I and my children never shall be shamed:
He is a just man,--he will live unblamed.
Only--O God, O God, to cry for bread.
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